I would love to know if there is anyone else out there that has this problem. Let me back up a little bit. The problem I am talking about is not as simple as the fact that I stink at blogging. If that were all it consisted of, I would be content to live with that. The problem goes much deeper than typing about our mundane adventures. The problem I am talking stems from the fact that I get behind (...very behind) on many (...most) of the things that I want to make a priority to consistently get done. Even that, though, isn't the real problem. The real problem, when I get down to it, is that when I get behind I give up. Instead of accepting that yesterday is gone and that today has enough worries of it's own, I constantly look over my shoulder at what I didn't do yesterday and how I can finagle (sp?) a way to get that done today. Looking backwards at my failures prevents me from seeing the goodness and the possibilities of the day that lays before me. I think it is almost comical how that struggle has manifested itself in a visible way on this blog. My posts abruptly stop when I am bogged down. A few weeks later I may spurt out two or three posts at a time so that I can "catch up" (as if there were some sort of ominous blog deadline looming ahead!). I follow this up with several more weeks of silence.
I know that all of this may sound silly, but I feel like this pattern is indicative of a deeper issue for me, a problem with letting go of yesterday and what I could have done differently. A problem with accepting change and that God is in control of my circumstances because He knows what I need. A problem with beating myself up over all that I have failed to do and how incapable I am. A problem with getting so mired in my hangups that I stop taking steps forward.
I am not big on New Year's Resolutions. I will inevitably have some failure at them and then beat myself up again. What I will be praying, though, that God will do for me this year is that He will help me to keep my eyes fixed on Him, and what He brings to me each day. I pray that when a week goes by and not a single math lesson has been done, I will simply thank Him that we are free to homeschool and ask Him to help us get done what we need to next week. I pray that when we get to the middle of the school year and we are still only on Week 7 of our 36 week curriculum, I will ask him to help me stop trying to make every little detail right in the weeks we missed, pick up the book and MOVE ON ! ( I could go on forever with examples here...when the laundry is so high I have to climb over the mountain to get to the shelves in the laundry room...when I have no memory left on my camera to take new pictures because I have three months worth of pictures that I need to get uploaded, blogged about and facebooked before I can move on to what is happening right now.)
If there is ANYONE left reading this out of my 4 or 5 readers...I will wrap up with this: I took my blog off of facebook feed so that I could write this to my real-life friends. Maybe you can help me to stay accountable to you with this. My prayer for the new year is that I take each day as a blessing from the Lord, make the MOST of it according to His priorities and not mine, and when it is over I lay my head down content that His grace is sufficient for me and His mercy will be new in the morning. If He can change this in me, I will be able to sleep well even if I only post on my silly blog about odd & random things such as this! Happy New Year, friends!
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