Monday, December 17, 2012

Note to Self: Don't Make the Rocks Cry Out

I have really done battle with myself about whether or not to write this post. I know myself, and at times I can cross the borderline between "honest"  and "tacky" without even realizing I have wandered away.  But, there are times in this life that I believe we need to throw caution to the wind, and for me this is one of those times.  This morning, I had some time of quiet as I was all alone in the car after dropping Rachel off at class, and I had time to reflect on the last couple of months that have been such a blur to me.  Most anyone reading this will already know that Mike was temporarily out of work because of an accident that happened on the job.  What you may not know is the way that the Lord kept us afloat during this time.  I feel compelled to write about it, because it is not natural.  There is no doubt in my mind that it is supernatural.  There is no explanation for how a family with an emergency fund containing only  $48.00, and no other savings or credit avaiable,  could survive for a month and a half to two months without a single paycheck, apart from the grace of God and the love of friends and family.  There is not a shadow of a doubt in my mind that the Lord sustained us directly through the love and generosity of His people, my brothers and sisters in the body of Christ.   These weeks have been FULL of interventions from God that not only kept food on the table but nourished my spirit more than anything.  From the Christmas gifts for my kids from my Bible study sisters,

to the check that came from the church....from the family that brought over food from their co-op and an envelope of cash that I know they needed themselves, to the teacher that barely knows us yet paid our electric bill for two months....from the family that  offered to take a loan from their 401k to help us along (but didn't even need to because God provided through His church!) to the violin instructor who put us on scholarship for as long as necessary....the friends that brought over meals, the school that said hold off on paying tuition, that sister that sent Publix gift cards, the friend that we know overpaid Mike for his help on a job,  the friend that gave us a ham....I could go on and on and on.  And as I drove home this morning reflecting on these things, the tears just ran down my face for miles as I was reminded of what my prayer was at the beginning of this journey.  I had prayed and asked the Lord to change us through this. Shape us, mold us, make us who You want us to be, I said. This morning, I realized that although there was no one lightning bolt moment where Mike suddenly starting talking like Joel Osteen (note:sarcasm),  and I have not suddenly become a sweet, submissive, patient Proverbs 31 woman in one fell swoop, we are different.  And when I say we, I am so thankful that I mean "WE".  Mike and  I. Neither one of us is who we ought to be, and still I sometimes don't know exactly who or "where" we are, but we have tasted and seen that the Lord is good.  We have seen the hardness of our own hearts and the goodness of others as they give, care and love us because they love the Lord.  We are humbled down to our toes, we are softened, we are changed.  And although the hard part of me wants to not write this and to not share this out of pride or false humility or whatever self-absorbed emotion that may be, the changed and softened part of me remembers that Jesus said in Luke 19:40 that if His people would not praise Him for His works, that the rocks would cry out in praise instead.  May I become softer each day, more faithful to praise Him, may I never force the rocks to cry out instead.  To all of you who have loved us through this, "thank you" will never be enough. You have changed my life, and I love you!