Note to Self: Don't Make the Rocks Cry Out

I have really done battle with myself about whether or not to write this post. I know myself, and at times I can cross the borderline between "honest"  and "tacky" without even realizing I have wandered away.  But, there are times in this life that I believe we need to throw caution to the wind, and for me this is one of those times.  This morning, I had some time of quiet as I was all alone in the car after dropping Rachel off at class, and I had time to reflect on the last couple of months that have been such a blur to me.  Most anyone reading this will already know that Mike was temporarily out of work because of an accident that happened on the job.  What you may not know is the way that the Lord kept us afloat during this time.  I feel compelled to write about it, because it is not natural.  There is no doubt in my mind that it is supernatural.  There is no explanation for how a family with an emergency fund containing only  $48.00, and no other savings or credit avaiable,  could survive for a month and a half to two months without a single paycheck, apart from the grace of God and the love of friends and family.  There is not a shadow of a doubt in my mind that the Lord sustained us directly through the love and generosity of His people, my brothers and sisters in the body of Christ.   These weeks have been FULL of miracles...direct interventions from God that not only kept food on the table but nourished my spirit more than anything.  From the Christmas gifts for my kids from my Bible study sisters,

to the check that came from the church....from the family that brought over food from their co-op and an envelope of cash that I know they needed themselves, to the teacher that barely knows us yet paid our electric bill for two months....from the family that  offered to take a loan from their 401k to help us along (but didn't even need to because God provided through His church!) to the violin instructor who put us on scholarship for as long as necessary....the friends that brought over meals, the school that said hold off on paying tuition, that sister that sent Publix gift cards, the friend that we know overpaid Mike for his help on a job,  the friend that gave us a ham....I could go on and on and on.  And as I drove home this morning reflecting on these things, the tears just ran down my face for miles as I was reminded of what my prayer was at the beginning of this journey.  I had prayed and asked the Lord to change us through this. Shape us, mold us, make us who You want us to be, I said. This morning, I realized that although there was no one lightning bolt moment where Mike suddenly starting talking like Joel Osteen (note:sarcasm),  and I have not suddenly become a sweet, submissive, patient Proverbs 31 woman in one fell swoop, we are different.  And when I say we, I am so thankful that I mean "WE".  Mike and  I. Neither one of us is who we ought to be, and still I sometimes don't know exactly who or "where" we are, but we have tasted and seen that the Lord is good.  We have seen the hardness of our own hearts and the goodness of others as they give, care and love us because they love the Lord.  We are humbled down to our toes, we are softened, we are changed.  And although the hard part of me wants to not write this and to not share this out of pride or false humility or whatever self-absorbed emotion that may be, the changed and softened part of me remembers that Jesus said in Luke 19:40 that if His people would not praise Him for His works, that the rocks would cry out in praise instead.  May I become softer each day, more faithful to praise Him, may I never force the rocks to cry out instead.  To all of you who have loved us through this, "thank you" will never be enough. You have changed my life, and I love you!

Romance

I know this is a strange thing to reappear on my blog for, after so long with no posts (which I seriously hope to rectify; I want to catch up on our goings-on just as soon as VBS is over!) but I wanted to post this link here because I think it is something I will want to return to, and thought it may be useful to someone else. I have sworn off posting anything controversial on facebook unless I really feel that it may make an impact or just feel convicted that I should, so I am using this post as a "bookmark" of sorts instead!

10 Things Young Singles in Romantic Relationships Ought to Know

So Many Gifts... (#165-227)

Even though I am quite certain that not even my dear old mom would have a strong enough interest in my life to warrant reading through all of these gifts, I post them here anyways for posterity. If future generations of Hollinhead offspring should prove to be interested, they may look back at Grammy Hollinhead's blog (if by that time anyone remembers what that outdated fad called a blog even IS...) and see what things she was thankful for. (Note: some of these may seem strange and random...it is because I am sharing these with an accountability partner, Laura, and we sometimes follow a theme from the calendar found on this blog and it may call for you to think of three orange things you're thankful for, or something unexpected, or whatever it may be for the day. It helps my feeble brain engage in thinking about what I am thankful for in new terms. It is not just happy little blessings...it is the sum and totality of my entire life experience because it has all passed before my Father's eyes and been deemed to be good. It is everything that comes from His hand, which is everything. 165~ the beautiful pink blooms on my rose bush 166~ the smile on Irene as she helped me cut them to put in a vase 167~ the joy that I get each time I pass them as I walk through the kitchen 168~ extra time with Mike tonight, and a date at his favorite restaurant, Cracker Barrel 169~ Creme Brulee Cheesecake bars, new recipe I tried for everyone tonight 170~ God's faithfulness to remind me that He is here in the smallest moments, every moment! 171~ strawberry picking at Southern Belle Farms today. Seeing the kids running up and down the rows with strawberry juice all over their chins reminded me of my own strawberry picking days as a kid! 172~ a cool and kind of gray day, I love a little bit of melancholy weather! 173~ Blockbuster Express movie rental machines...I love being able to rent a movie for only a buck, very cheap family movie night. 174~ a squirt of Reddi Whip straight out of the can and into the mouth! (Bought this to go with the beautiful berries we picked today) 175~ the mess of a sloppy house that reminds me that there ISN't enough time or energy in a day to do all that is needed, and there never really will be. In this life there is chaos despite our desperate attempts to reign it in, such is a fallen world. I will never get it all done or really even come close and God is the one who knows what is NEEDED and gives me enough strength to do the necessary. 176~ a headache at the front of my forehead reminds me to be thankful in all things, God knows everything that I need! 177~ an evening spent with old firends. It doesn't matter that it was a Tupperware party, we had a great time anyways! There is something comforting about spending time with people who have known you for more than a decade! 178~ my new jeans that fit me and are so comfortable, and don't look like I have been wearing them more than a decade, haha! I haven't bought new jeans in a few years and it feels so good to have a pair that I can wear out in public (my old favorite pair had a hole at the top of the back that showed my undies through them!) 179~ still soaking up all of this strawberry goodness...tonight it is strawberries over pound cake with whipped cream. Strawberries are healthy, but not all of the stuff that I put with them!! 180~ a phone call from my sister saying that she may get to visit 181~ curling up with Rachel's kindle at the end of the day, in my jammies, a warm blanket and a cup of hot tea. 182~ salvation...how can I not think about salvation when I think of what I have found in Christ. My Savior. Everything. 183~ acceptance. I know this may sound like one of the lesser things we find in Christ. It isn't necessarily a "rock your world" kind of thing...but a quiet peace, a knowing that I am loved, no matter what. Security that I long for, only found in Him. 184~ I can't stop at three. Hope, life, love, abundance, peace, contentment, joy, breath, assurance, friendship, inheritance, sanctification, beauty, strength, faith, grace, redemption, provision, forgiveness, new life! 185~ a timer on my oven that beeps to let m eknow that it has reached pre-heating temperature! I LOVE that!!! 186~ my kids having fun together...they are being so creative right now, making a "scary movie" with the camcorder we borrowed from friends to tape Irene's recital. 187~ Irene facing her fear by standing up and giving her first violin recital. She did a good job but more important to me, she prayed that the Lord would help her and give her courage, and she saw that He answered her prayers! 188~ the way a whole big field of grass looks when the wind blows strong across it 189~ the heavenly feeling of sitting outside and watching the wind blow on all the trees around you, the sound of it in the trees, the bright blue sky with puffy white clouds overhead and the sun shining on my face 190~ laughter with friends over something a silly as cupcakes 191~ conversation with sisters in Christ that makes me think and rethink...not take for granted my opinions but hold it up to the lens of what God really says 192~ coming home to a house full of chatterboxes who made pink and green homemade cupcakes...it ALMOST made me feel guilty about the ones I bought! 193~ another bright and beautiful day today and the promise of a playdate with friends 194~ a cup of strong hot coffee in the morning! 195~ Plans falling apart, after hours of effort invested...because in it you teach me to let go of my selfish desires and trust that You know best. And You always do. 196-198 Three Things Orange: 196~ My orange post it notes, scattered all across my desk. Without these, many more things would be missed or forgotten than already are! 197~ the bright orange card that came in the mail the other day from a friend, just to say, I care about you! 198~ a big fat juicy navel orange, so sweet! 199~ Matthew being able to go to the Relay for Life...I am so thankful to have spiritual family that invest in my children by including them in their lives! 200~air conditioning to feel so good and cooling after the heat! 201~flat tire on my van...gave Mike and his dad a chance to joke around together while they "fixed" it (which later had to be fixed at the tire shop!) 203~ flat iron , keeps my hair from being completely frizzy, ALL of the time! 204~ the flat of my kitchen table. So much gets done around that table...schoolwork, meals, bills get paid, art projects created. Who knew a beat up old table could be the center of so many good things? 205~ a very yummy salad from Zaxby's that I snuck away and got while the kids were at AWANAS tonight, and ate all alone in my car, in between paragraphs of reading on Rachel's kindle! 206 & 207~ classic books of the past and the authors who wrote them. Reading Dickens' "Great Expectations" right now and I am amazed at the command of the English language, and the artistry of words that seems to be lacking in our written works today. 208~ that God is so patient with me. When I keep trying to get it right and I can't...when I want to draw near to Him but when I get the opportunity to spend time in prayer,instead I stay wrapped up in myself because it's hard sometimes to draw near to HIM. He patiently guides me back to His arms. What a loving and amazing Father He is. 209~ I know this one is not a new one, but, OH...the smell and taste of that first cup of coffee...and it the way it makes me feel like just maybe this day is possible (I know, I should be more spiritual than that, it should be the Lord that makes me feel that way!!! And He does...I am thoroughly convinced that God gave us coffee as a means of His grace! : ) 210~being the only one up when the house is so quiet that I can actually hear the birds chirping outside, and stepping out to feel that early morning sunshine and warmth after being in the cold A/C all night! 211~ a part time job on some Fridays that helps me earn a little to help out the family finances, thank you for the opportunity to earn, Lord. 212~ My dad. he would have been 80 years old today. Words can't speak how much I miss his presence in my life, in my mom's life, and in his grandchildren's lives. I know how nuts he would be about Maddie, his first great grandbaby. He LOVED babies. How I hope in the Lord that I will hug you in Heaven one day, Dad. Not a day goes by that the loss of you is not felt. 213~ Outside: the flowers (petunias) that sprung up in front of my mailbox. They are supposed to be annuals and I planted them last year before Rachel's graduation party. They have popped back up from seed and it is such a sweet reminder of God bringing things back to life, and what lies dormant is not dead! Also a reminder that a year has passed since my baby graduated, time passes so quickly! 214~ Inside: a home that is cozy to me...I definitely don't have decorator designs in my interior spaces, but I have a home with reminders everywhere of our life...the alphabet chart on the wall because Abbie has trouble remembering how to make all of her letters, cards on the mantle from friends who care, pictures on the fridge that the kids have colored, the book on the table that we were reading aloud together earlier today. All of these make a home! 215~ Upside Down: I had trouble thinking of something in this category but remember when Matt was younger, he always used to watch TV by laying with his head off the couch as he lay upside down with his feet up in the air. I am always surprised when I think of things like that, things that I had completely forgotten! It is amazing how fast those phases pass! 216~ a fantastic Mother's Day full of good things! A great gift (Kindle Fire!!) , relaxing time, going out to eat, and NO DISHES! : ))) 217~ a great campout for Matthew to Cumberland Island...I am so grateful for his Boy Scout troop! 218~ a lovely bouquet of tulips from my sweet Rachel 219~ answered prayers, even when we don't get the answers that we THINK we want! 220~ that sweet, wonderful feeling when I first fall into bed and feel the soft blankets close in around me, such a place of refuge and comfort. 221~ crushed ice from my icemaker...makes me feel so spoiled to say it (how would I have done as a frontier woman?) but I love that crushed ice! 222~ Leo, our dog. He is such a big pain, but I love that dog. He is such a good boy. 223~ a car that runs and nothing wrong with it at the moment. This is a huge blessing ! 224~ watching my kids interact as they become more mature is a fascinating thing to watch. I saw Matthew's crestfallen look as he realized that his big brother couldn't stay and hang out with him today. Even though sad for Matthew, this was really neat for me to see that they really do like spending time with each other. If those two boys can end up being friends, then things look a lot more hopeful than I once believed! 225~ having a Dollar General right down the road. I love it that when I am out of something, I can just zip down there and grab it. (Again, evidence that I would have made a sorry pioneer woman.) 226~ a working dishwasher. I love that little miracle-worker! 227~ the awesome feeling I get when the whole family is all in a good mood at the same time, and we can laugh and goof around and get generally way too silly. It is so much fun and I feel like it peels away layers of frustration from me!

Gifts 155-159

Gifts I am thankful for today:

~Irene finally gets to start taking violin lessons, after three years of asking!

~I'm thankful for Abby...so glad to have you in our family! I know we can't be the easiest to live with but I am so happy that you're with us!

~ God's timing is always perfect. He knows what we need all the time, always before we do. He is in control of who the pastor of our church is, and He is in control of where I live, and He is in control of how many breaths I take in my lifetime...I am so glad that He knows all of these things and that I can trust in Him!

~cheap peanut butter at Publix this week....Abbie goes through some pb & j 's!!

~a warm cuddly bed to get into at night

God Taught Me to Spell...

Courtesy of a blog called "Old Guys" & Charles Spurgeon :

"I have known some that, at first conversion, have not been very clear in the gospel, who have been made evangelical by their discoveries of their own need of mercy. They could not spell the word ‘grace.’ They began with a G, but they very soon went on with an F, till it spelt very like ‘freewill’ before they had done with it.

But after they have learned their weakness, after they have fallen into serious fault, and God has restored them, or after they have passed through deep depression of mind, they have sung a new song. In the school of repentance they have learned to spell. They began to write the word ‘free,’ but they went on from free, not to ‘will’ but to ‘grace.’ And there it stood in capitals, ‘FREE GRACE’. . . . They became clearer in their divinity, and truer in their faith than ever they were before."

~Charles Spurgeon~

Seder Meal

While at the Explorations in Antiquities museum, the main attraction was the Passover meal, or Seder. We participated in one of these several years ago, but would like to do one at least every few years so that as the kids get older, they will remember it. This one was beautifully laid out when we arrived, on a "reclining table"...I learned only recently that these were tables that were low to the ground so that people could lay down while eating. Thankfully, we had benches. (Sidenote: The kids let me know that they felt my previous instruction on the evils of eating in bed must have been very misguided.)



Unfortunately, I didn't get many good pictures here, it was a bit dark in the room. If you are not familiar, the Seder is the traditional Jewish meal celebrated during Passover, which Jesus would Himself have celebrated. The meal is eaten in tiny "courses", each symbolic of some aspect of the Israelites relationship to the Lord. I can't remember them all, but for instance the lamb bone (another thing to be thankful for: we used skewered chicken instead) represents the sacrifice of the lamb, made to put the lamb's blood over the doorposts when the Israelites were enslaved in Egypt. The "bitter herbs" symbolize the bitterness of their slavery. There is a thick fruit salad of apples, cinnamon and raisins that represents the mortar that they used to make the bricks while they were slaves in Egypt. It is very easy to see (especially once the guide explains it, haha) how all of the symbols are just as applicable, in a new way, to our relationship with Christ. The lamb now represents THE Lamb, whose blood was shed on our behalf. The bitter herbs, the sin that so easily entangles...you get the idea. It was not only very interesting but very solemn (except for the Hollinhead crew), and a very good thing for us all to experience. We will definitely do this again!

Explorations in Antiquity

It seems like the field trips that I dread the most (and I dread most of them, because I am a crusty old curmudgeon) are the ones that turn out to be the most fantastic. This holds true for our field trip, organized through Veritas, to the Explorations in Antiquity Center in Lagrange. I dreaded it... because it was a Saturday; because it was so far away; because gas is so expensive; because I knew I would have to pack us a picnic lunch; am I starting to sound really lazy? I will stop there. I will just say, it is a really neat place with great exhibits, but most impressive was the guide that walked us through the exhibits. He was not only knowledgeable, but his enthusiasm for helping others better understand the context of God's Word was captivating.
Here is a replica of a crane that would have been used to build Herod's palace, stone by stone:


A grain silo like what would have been used during the famine in Egypt when Joseph's brother's came to him for help:


A battlement on top of a tower that was used as a defense against enemies:


My little wanna-be Isrealite tent-dwelling butter churner:


A real, authentic "hedge of protection"...looks quite safe for a sheep, doesn't it?


A cross that is as authentic as they think they can get to one like Christ would have been crucified on:


A well, just because it has a real rooster on it (the very same rooster that attacked and pecked Abbie on the back when she would not stop bugging him later. Add roosters to her list of odd phobias.):


Will post soon on the Seder meal...

On Debt and People-Pleasing

This post is a departure from my usual field trip and household mayhem fodder, but something struck a nerve in me so closely this morning that I had to put it down. You may or may not know that "people-pleasing" is a problem for me...I strive far too hard to make people happy with me . Not that there is anything wrong with pleasing and doing and giving to others, of course those are wonderful things and a fulfillment of our calling to love one another. What I am talking about is when I try too hard to make others think well of me, which is, at its heart (my heart) selfish. I was reading a note on a blog I follow about money management this morning. Strange how God can use any means to show something to us! He was discussing, basically, whether we should ever use credit cards. A quote from said blog:

Romans 3:8 says:
"Let no debt remain outstanding, except the continuing debt to love one another, for he who loves his fellowman has fulfilled the law. "(Romans 13:8 NIV)
As such, we ALWAYS live our lives in debt and indebtedness. We are in debt to Jesus Christ because he paid a price he did not owe, one that we couldn’t afford. Since he made this payment, he bought me so I now serve him. I am now obligated to serve others in a debt of love. If I make another agreement or commitment to obligate myself to someone else, then I am violating my previous obligation or indebtedness to Jesus. (link to full article)

Now back to me (haha):
I was just so struck by the applications of this to my people-pleasing. Every thing I do for a neighbor can be traced back to one of two motives: I either serve others because I am so filled with love and indebted to Christ for paying the debt I had no hope of paying, OR because I feel obligated out of a false sense that performing a good deed will chip away at that debt, or make me look "good". Being a person who bears the image of my Creator means I ought to be out to make HIM look good. When I serve with any motivation other than love, I serve another master, and bind myself up and trample the freedom Christ bought for me.


"It is for freedom that Christ has set us free. Stand firm, then, and do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery." Galatians 5:1





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A Recap

How to recap this week? Well, technically, this week and a half? I don't honestly know where to begin. Life is so action-packed these days. You know I always love to quote Ferris Bueller..."You blink, and you just might miss it." Rachel and I were talking about the same thing on the way to our Veritas graduation meeting. We were listening to that song by Revive, whose lyrics say something like"It happens in a blink, it happens in a flash, it happens in the time it takes to look back. We try to hold on tight but there's no stopping time, what is it I've done with my life?" Anyhoo, I digress. This week was slam full of happenings. Things to pray for. Bad news, sad news, the most joyful of news. Things to be thankful for.

I will start with March 3, Rachel's birthday:


We had just a small celebration at home. I am holding back on too much gushing about Rachel, because as I mentioned before, graduation is coming... 'nuff said.

March 5, 2011:
Beautiful baby Madison Renee was born!



My wonderful daughter-in-law Abby came through in tough, strong military-wife fashion and gave birth to my very first grandchild this week. To say this is a happy, sweet, exciting time for our family is such an understatement; we are so thankful that it wasn't too hard on Abby, that Maddie was born perfectly healthy, and that she has such loving and capable parents to take care of her and love her! (Maddie deserves a post all her own so that will be forthcoming!)

Children are starting to wake and to stir so I will sum up more quickly than planned: This week was full of heartache for friends with very sick children, news of cancer, frustration over not being able to visit Washington, spraying pipes, a round two for the Literary Tea at Veritas,


(only got one picture this year, it was a little crazy that day!)

and so many other things, that it has all become a blur. Getting back to the first part of this post...it all flies by. In a blink. But day by day, God is making me more thankful, for the good but also for the bad. In ALL things we will worship Him, for there is no end to what He does to care for us, to nurture us, to teach us. With this in mind, I have some more gifts to thank Him for...

#25 that He answers prayers. That He bows down to hear even the prayers that we can only whisper.

#26 for beautiful, sweet, baby girls wrapped up in love.

#27 there are still people around who are compassionate, and are willing to cut you a great deal on a plumbing job!

#28 for a great school like Veritas, whose leaders and teachers are whole-heartedly, sold-out committed firstly to education centered on Christ, and secondly education that values some of those old paths that are "out of fashion".

#29 that the Lord is a comfort to those who are hurting, and that He knows how to take our hurt and worry from us even when we don't know how to give it up to Him.

#30 for amazing healthcare that allows us to know the nature of a problem within days, not weeks or months as it is in some parts of the world.

#31 Walks with my kids

#32 Flowers on the windowsill, freshly picked (from the neighbor's tree, haha!) by Irene.

Nana Moore's Myrtle, Gift #23

At first, it was nothing special. Irene and I wandered outside,mostly because it was just too lovely outside in that sunshine to stay inside in the dark house. We talked, and walked, and Irene picked the bark on the tree. Then, as she bent down to pick up sticks on the ground, I saw it...



It might not look like much there, but it is the myrtle I planted, from my mom's house. You see, I lived with my mom for about four years while Michael and Rachel were still very, very young. She had a log cabin in upstate New York. Both my mom and I agree, that those were some really good days. Tough days, and trying in many ways for other reasons, but I can't put into words how much I miss having my mom to talk to every day. Even still. After all of these years away, I still miss it {miss her} so much.

One year, shortly before she sold and moved out of the log cabin, we took a summer trip up to New York. While I was there, I told her how pretty her myrtle looked in the front flower bed, and she told me to take some home with me. I remember looking at her like a kid in a candy shop, and I set to work digging it up, and preparing it to weather the long trip back to Georgia in the summer heat. I planted it under the oak tree in the backyard when we got home, but it was a young and spindly tree that couldn't offer much shade. In New York, the myrtle likes sun, but it wanted to hide from this new kind of searing heat that it found in Georgia. I had picked a bad spot with not enough shade. I kept watering it, but it had died. For years, I have thought it was dead. Until today. Now that the tree has grown up some and filled out, the plant has found the shade that it needs beneath the oak tree in our own little Georgia backyard. Long after I had given up, God saw fit to gift me with a little piece of home to keep me company and remind me of my sweet mom. It makes me feel good to know that what we see is not always what is the truth. He can be growing a new plant right under our nose, but we just can't see it yet. THIS is what I am thankful for today!

Gifts 13-16

#13: Deuteronomy 30:19 -20 : " ¹⁹ This day I call the heavens and the earth as witnesses against you that I have set before you life and death, blessings and curses. Now choose life, so that you and your children may live ²⁰ and that you may love the LORD your God, listen to his voice, and hold fast to him. For the LORD is your life, and he will give you many years in the land he swore to give to your fathers, Abraham, Isaac and Jacob. " I strongly feel that the Lord has brought this verse to my mind over the last week. I feel sometimes that it is a constant battle for me to "choose life". I constantly want to duck out of life, run and hide, stay at home where I feel "sheltered". As I remember this verse, I am asking God to help me choose life moment by moment, day by day. When faced with the choice to retreat or engage, that I would choose to engage; to serve, to love, to venture forth, to take chances, to live !

#14 "Secondhand Lions". I just love that movie. I love it so much that each time I put it on for the kids, it is because I have forgotten how much bad language there is in it. Then they look at me with the question on their faces "Is it really okay to watch this?"

#15 Having finally decided, after 12 or more months of deliberation, on a color scheme for my house. Yellow/gold, sage green, terra cotta and maybe a bit of colonial blue thrown in. Whew! One more thing off my "To-Do" list. Now if I could just get those colors INTO my house...

#16 merciful, sweet Jesus! I know that sounds too "easy" to include, but oh how I love His love!

Blazin' a Trail !

I have had something on my mind for a week or so now, and it has to do with making beauty out of chaos. Really I think it has been much longer than a week or so, much longer. I feel like God has distilled it down to a pure form for me recently, though. I have always (always!) struggled with feeling that I am inadequate because of my seeming inability to organize, focus, complete a task, be consistent...(need I go on?) I shudder to think of all of the labels that would likely be placed on me if I were a child in a public school today. Or, maybe I wish they had had those labels when I was a kid and they could have helped me! At any rate, here I am today with these ongoing issues which makes it quite difficult to run a household and homeschool well. In the past I have made resolutions, cried, pled with God to change me, and done battle with my tendencies to the point where I have come close to giving up completely.

But the Lord has shown me a new thing.

He made me. He made me the way that I am. He chose to put these precious children that I love in my care during their stay on earth. He must have wanted to use us to shape one another. I promise I am coming to a point (I think). I have been so busy waging war against my weaknesses according to my own plans that I have forgotten to rely on God to use my strength to DO anything! I plan, plan plan everything and then don't do it. Because it's all my plan and I never asked God what should I be putting first? What is the most necessary? What is the MOST important in God's order of priorities?

Rather than make new commitment to overhaul my life and set an unattainable standard that I cannot reach, I am setting one goal for the next 100 days. ONE. To each and every day have breakfast with my children all around the table and not get up from the table until we have together read in God's Word and prayed together. It may sound like I am not asking a lot of myself, this is not a tall order. But my hope and prayer is that as I put God first in our day he will meet me in my need for Him to help me bring order to the rest, a glimmer of beauty to the mess and the chaos. Today for the first morning I blazed a trail that I pray will become a well worn path in our life, an act as familiar and comforting as bedtime stories. When that path is well worn, then I can move on to blazing a bit of a new trail, and wear that one down, too. Romans 8:37 tells me the truth : "No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us." I cannot, will not conquer my weaknesses on my own but I know that He can turn my mess into something beautiful!

On a purely practical note, a couple of resources we have been using that have been GREAT are:

This book has been such an awesome guide / devotional / Bible study (whatever you would like to call it!) We have been loosely following along as our pastor preaches and teaches through Genesis we follow up with this the next week at home. For the older kids it is a great review of the sermon and a way to dig out some more gems from a kids point of view. For the younger girls, they are usually hearing it for the first time because they were in kids' church during the sermon so it helps keep them up with what we are doing in "big church" too. The author definitely doesn't leave out any of the tough stuff, and I would say it is geared toward mid to older elementary kids but she handles it well and I am always surprised at how the little ones have been listening when I thought they were just playing with silly bandz.

And:
We were able to get this book through the PINES library system. I always like to get my hands on a book and look through it before I lay out the money (or Swagbucks!) for a copy, but I am thinking these are worth the investment. It comes with a CD, the lyrics to each hymn and a story about its author or origins. I have to laugh at myself because way back in the early days when I first became a Christian I thought hymns were so "old", and I wasn't at all a hymn type of gal. Well, turns out I am SO MUCH a hymn type of gal. Love this book !!

One Thousand Gifts, #1-5

I found Ann Voskamp's blog because I am using her Geography curriculum, and I loved her ability to use words with such beautiful craftsmanship. I went looking around to see if she had a blog and, lo and behold, she has a beautiful blog that always says something that inspires me. Ann has a new book out titled "One Thousand Gifts", which is on my wishlist on amazon at this very moment, but I have not read yet. She is asking others to join her bandwagon with posts of thankfulness for the many wonderful gifts our Lord has poured out on our lives, so here begins my list:

1. A Snow Day, on which I do not feel the slightest bit of guilt or remorse to take the time to begin something new on my blog, sit a few extra minutes (hours?) in my pajamas with my coffee, and listen to my little girls chatter about plans for popcorn and hot cocoa after they come in from playing in the snow.

2. An overwhelming feeling of gratitude that God ever whispered my name in the first place. How could I have ever known this amazing Love that was in store for me?

3. Sisters. Not only biological sisters, whom I love very much, but my spiritual sisters who live life and love God alongside me. To understand that I will never know all of the times that prayers were offered up on my behalf is such a humbling thing, and to know that there is a whole legion of women who are connected to me because we share the same Father; a Father who has loved us so well that He has shown us how to open our hearts enough to love others a small bit like He does. It really and truly amazes me, and how exciting that I can even call my daughter my spiritual "sister" ! I am so thrilled at the idea that through God's faithfulness we will one day have a family legacy of generations of "sisters" who have loved God's Word and walked in His Spirit. Just to think of great- great grandaughters who will call on cousins and sisters to pray for one another and walk with each other through all of the mountains and valleys of life....amazing to me!

4. A twelve year old boy who still says good morning and gives me a hug.

5. Monkey bread ( no further explanation needed!) : )

My Bookshelf: When You Rise Up, by RC Sproul, Jr

I decided that I will start posting books that I have finished reading, mostly just because I love to talk about books. I don't have any great literary analysis skills, that's for sure, but maybe it will be useful information to someone looking for something to read. It also helps me remember what I have read because, believe it or not, sometimes I forget I have already read a book! I don't seem to find a whole lot of time to read these days, but what books my measly, puny reading list does include I will make a quick note of. A final reason for posting it is to let anyone who may want to borrow it from me that they are welcome to it, I have too many books on my shelf already!
Now that I am done explaining why I am telling you what I am reading or have read, I will say that I really liked this book. There was nothing really earth-shattering or ground-breaking about it, but it was a great reminder of the "why" of homeschooling. In a nutshell, it helped me to renew my resolve and to take a minute to stop and commit this school year to the Lord, to whom it belongs already. For someone still on the fence about deciding whether to homeschool or not, I will just say that Sproul comes on very strong in making his case. I personally agree with almost all of what he says here (at least in theory), but not everyone will. It is a fairly short book, and it is not a "how-to" book. If you are looking for that, it will come up short. Basically, the book is based on applying Deuteronomy 6 to the education of our children, and most all of the text flows within that theme. The one aspect of the book that I might say was a bit of a negative is that it is not very grace-filled toward those who see things differently, but in my case there was no problem there for me. All in all, it all boils down to...I liked this book!

Just Do Something

I was spending a little too much time on the computer this morning. I was blog surfing. I really like CJ Mahaney as an author (his book "Living the Cross Centered Life" is a favorite of mine) so every once in a while I meander over to his blog and see what's new. He had a post on there that struck such a chord with me that I had to re-post it, I hope that's legal! Here is a link to it, in case that makes it more legal:

http://www.sovereigngraceministries.org/Blog/post/Just-Do-Something.aspx The general gist of it is a list compiled by Kevin DeYoung (who wrote a book called Just Do Something) about not always needing to wait on God to give us some cataclysmic event or sign to prompt us into action, but using the brains He gave us and His word to guide us. I think this promotes living in an attitude of appreciating every day with it's "smallness" and seemingly insignificant details being a day that God gave us, and a day that can bring God glory in the regular things that we do. It resonated with me because I sometimes tend to seek after "fireworks" in the way I see God moving in my life and the lives of others, but this encouraged me to set my eyes to an everyday faithfulness in the small things, that aren't really small at all. Here is where my words end and Mahaney's begin:

Just Do Something
By C.J. Mahaney7/13/2010 8:23:00 AM

To close out his Next 2010 conference message, “The Church,” Kevin DeYoung gave a list of suggestions for how to be a difference maker in the local church. He said:

• Find a good local church.
• Get involved.
• Become a member.
• Stay there as long as you can.
• Put away thoughts of a revolution for a while.
• Join the plodding visionaries.
• Go to church this Sunday and worship in Spirit and truth.
• Be patient with your leaders.
• Rejoice when the gospel is faithfully proclaimed.
• Bear with those who hurt you.
• Give people the benefit of the doubt.
• Say “hi” to the teenager that no one notices.
• Welcome the old ladies with the blue hair and the young men with tattoos.
• Volunteer for the nursery.
• Attend the congregational meeting.
• Bring your fried chicken to the potluck like everybody else.
• Invite a friend.
• Take a new couple out for coffee.
• Give to the Christmas offering.
• Sing like you mean it.
• Be thankful someone vacuumed the carpet for you.
• Enjoy the Sundays that “click.”
• Pray extra hard on the Sundays that don’t.
• And in all of this, do not despise the days and weeks and years of small things (Zechariah 4:8–10).

I cannot recommend this message too highly. Please take time to download and listen to “The Church” by visiting the resource page at thisisnext.org.

There is one more message from the conference I want to highlight. We will do that next time